Ideas The World Needs That I’ll Never Do #9: Double-sided Muffins
This is really important stuff, people.
It must have been at least 20 years ago that I first had THE VISION. I believe I was lying in bed on an early weekend morning, thinking about…breakfast. I pondered my love of blueberry muffins, and much like Elaine on Seinfeld, I was reminded of how much better muffin tops are than…muffin bottoms. Everybody loves the “crunchy on the outside, fluffy on the inside”, and it’s inevitably a let-down when you’ve peeled off the muffin top and are left with all of the fluff, and none of the crunch, in the dreaded muffin bottom.
My idea is kinda simple. A typical muffin pan simply has divots where you put your muffin mix. What if you could somehow place muffin batter into a short cylinder with two open ends? Then, as the muffin mix rose, it could come out of both sides, and voila — a double-sided muffin. See below for a not-very-helpful visual representation of my idea.
OK, so you are shocked at my genius and wondering how something so brilliant could not yet have been built. Well, sorta. It turns out McDonald’s tried this. It looked something like this…
… and it apparently did not succeed (that’s not an actually researched fact; I’m just observing that I’ve never seen or had one so thus it’s not successful).
Plus, if you’re selling a muffin top, you’ve failed in two ways: 1) It’s only 1 top, and I think I rightly deserve to not “lose” the bottom, I just want it crunchy and top-like. 2) What is McDonald’s doing with the bottoms?
My plan would offer you two tops, perhaps slightly smaller than typical muffin tops, with a very small umbilical cord connecting the two tops, where the mix was originally introduced. This would take some super high-tech machinery and tech, natch.
Anyway, as is my theme with these posts, I ain’t doing this — in fact, I’m exhausted even writing about it — but please make me a double muffin top so that I can buy one, slather it in butter, and eat it.
